Descriptive writing on a character

Here are 3 pieces of writing on characters in a short film about a boy with 1 wing who plays the flute, and 3 crows bully him. Then he meets a girl with one wing and then they fly away together and forget about the crows. The video is below the writing.

Wing: My heart is pounding like its up in my head as I sprint for safety. The misty dark forest surrounds me , as the frightful feeling of loneliness creeping up on me, and then frightening me to death. My heart jumps when I see i’m not alone. The bitter smokey smell that reminds me that the cold blooded wicked crows are near. The forest is spinning and looping as fall to the ground, as I desperately try force my eyes open to see who it is. I shudder as the cold wind whistles through my hair. My wing snaps and I’m left plummeting towards the damp earth. The girl is like a precious rose petal with droplets of loneliness. By Honor

 The Crows: The sound of a flute makes my ears bleed. “A FLUTE” I mutter to the rest of my gang. To the sound of the flute I abruptly jerk to the right like a possessed puppet and plummet towards the ground. “THE BOY” I murmur to myself in a deep dark voice. I launch myself over the boy shadowing him with fear as he topples over his feet and onto the damp dirt. He weeps a few tears and stumbles back to his feet. I snatch him by the arm with a tight grip, take his flute and throw him back to the ground. I shuffle away and play the flute, it screeches in my ears like a shriek from a red fox. I squeeze the flute with all my strength until it crumbles into small fragments. By Me (Mia)

 The Girl: My wound was in agony as the Crows tore my wing off the only thing to take mind of the pain was to play the flute and listen to the lovely calming sound. Until I felt the warmness cover my wound warming my skin then I sensed (felt) a cool breeze of breath near my cheek i turned around. It was the boy I handed the flute to him he was satisfied that I had it , as he turned to look behind him I saw the fear cross his face I slowly turned to look behind me black figures lurking around in the forest, I turn back he is flapping his 1 wing then I start as we slowly drift higher as the flutter of our wings are pushing us up into the engrossing sunset. By Ruby