A bright light pierced through the trees into my eyes blurring my vision. As my eyes adjusted the blurr started to clear. The bare branches spiked into the sky, and a black shadowy figure stood a few meters in front of me. Blood red roses started to darken the woods as I walk further down the unknown pathway.
Cold water splashed up against my calves, leaking through my shoes as I start to pace cautiously through the icy creek. The nerves in my stomach are telling me to run but my curiosity forces me to stay, stay in the chilling creek, stalling my numb toes.
The air is toxic, damp leaves and dead birds mixed with the sweet scent of flora covering the forest floor. The expired metallic water in my bottle slips down my throat making me want to gag. A cold breeze is screaming into my ears. The harder I try to keep my feet quiet the more noise I seem to make, stepping on dried twigs and kicking stones. I venture further and further into the unknown and the forest closes behind me. As I peer ahead of me the mysterious figure in front of me vanishes leaving me, alone, in the murky darkness . . .
Hi Mia,
ReplyDeleteThis is a fantastic piece of descriptive writing. You really make me feel like I am there in the eerie woods.
I especially like the phrases, 'bare branches spiked into the sky' and 'dull mist nipped my tongue'.
Maybe next time you could look at your tenses used in your writing as sometimes you use the past tense and sometimes present.
I wonder what will happen to the person who has ventured into the woods?
Keep up the fantastic writing, I am super proud of you. Mum xx
Kia Ora Mia,
ReplyDeleteI liked this descriptive writing it was really interesting and it was so descriptive that I felt like I was there in the picture. I also liked how you described your surroundings like bare branches spiked, and the descriptive words. I loved this piece of work.
Kind regards Angel
Kia ora Mia.
ReplyDeleteWow what a great piece of descriptive writing. You have used a great variety of words and have made every sentence very interesting. I really liked how you described the roses as a blood red.
Great work.
Mya.
Bula, Mia. Reagan here!
ReplyDeleteI love all the different descriptive words you have used in here. It really feels is if I am actually in the picture! You have definitely drew the readers in. I especially like how you have said 'the air is toxic'.
What was your favourite part of doing this and how long did it take you to do this?!
It was an awesome post and I would love to see you posting more!
Noho ora mai
Reagan
Hi there Mia! It's me Kyra from T3. I like your post on descriptive writing on an image because of the way you described the scene. I particularly liked "a bright light pierced through the trees".
ReplyDeleteWe're also doing a lot of descriptive writing in class. I love to do descriptive and narrative writing. What's your favourite style?
You've used amazing language in this writing and I can't think of anything for you to work on. Amazing writing!
Kyra